Babe. Safari.™.

FOUND: Babe bait

C’mon Google, I meant dude babes.

Babe SafarII™: part two

So San Jose was a bust. There are probably babes in San Jose, but they are most likely huddled around computers or in their parents basements putting the finishing touches on their fanime costumes and not out at bars. So when the next Saturday came it was time to leave the house where I share a bathroom with my younger brother* and venture into the big city for:

Babe Safari Part TWOOOO

beginning with

Peacocking! No, we didn’t forget. Behold!

Read More

Rescue, by babes!

Sometimes, bars can be a dangerous place for safari goers, as evident by last night’s adventure with little Mexico wherein we were accosted by tiny man in a tall T apologizing about his English and his WASTING OUR TIME trying to buy us drinks for 20 minutes.

Luckily the gay bartender and a couple of righteous babes came to our rescue at some point in the night and we all ended up at a table talking about what all babes know best — organic farming.

I give up!

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?

Lessons from last night.

The first rule of Babe Safari: Tell everyone about Babe Safari. 

DO:

• Bring a wing-man who has been drinking for the last 9 hours.
• Discuss the positive uses of Rohypnol at length.
• Insist a guy is gay, thereby forcing him to assert his sexy, sexy masculinity.
• Collect numbers like stamps; set up Google Voice to screen calls.

DO NOT:

• Dress like a babe of interest (eg., no Oxford button downs for girls).
• Mention your cat or anything period related as an opener.
• Hang around longer than necessary if there are no babes sighted.
• Make Larry David references when passing by a group of bald guys.

Babe Safari™, Pt. 1.

There comes a time in every fancy lady’s life when she realizes that she lives in her mom’s knitting room*, and that the only people who have hit on her lately are construction workers and the homeless. There comes a time when she needs: A BABE SAFARI™.

What is a Babe Safari? A Babe Safari™ is a glorious tradition made up by two of my awesomest friends. They go to bars and look at hot guys and sometimes stand by them and try to talk to them. That sounds just like going out and being normal? Well it’s a Babe Safari™, okay, so deal with it.

This past Saturday Lisa, Viola and I went on a Babe Safari™ that traversed the most stereotypical parts of the mission. Our goal: to talk to hot guys and maybe even hit on them. First stop…

Read More